Does it Matter?

Matter, noun, is a scientific term that relates to ions and force. Matter involves space and potential energy. Matter, verb, defines significance and involves consequence.

She had a small frame and short gray hair. Wearing her “pajama jeans” with typical older lady short sleeved floral print shirt. Her shoes were the bulky white heeled made for walking with support not style type. We were at the gym. Me behind her working on my daily sweat. I noticed her dismount the spin bicycle in front of me and I watched her bend over and pick up her purse. It brought a smile to my face. Next to her was a gentleman with full apparel for a century ride. Proper clip-on bike shoes and the spandex outfit meant for ease of movement, warmth and moisture wicking. I made an immediate judgement. She is not really serious about her biking. Her outfit gave her away as a novice at this bustling gym. However, it is January 2nd and at least she is out trying to move.

At the same time I was listening to a podcast challenging me to live a life worthy. A life that would result in a crown, not the burger-king type. It dawned on me between the words coming in and the life around me. Human tendency is to reach for better, expect better, evaluate what is better. We are all critics! I started to roll off the “er” words: better, stronger, faster, weaker, slower, thinner, fatter, wiser, smarter, richer, poorer.    Does it matter?

Walking out of the opera latter the same day a woman in her fur with a handwritten sign at the door “need a ride tot he gate”. I walked by but returned. Why would I not question to see if I could help her. She certainly didn’t look like trouble and she was leaving the opera. I asked, “what gate” and she explained a cab was on the way but was having difficulty locating her and her party of 3. I was not able to accommodate them all in my car so I continued on to the parking lot. My companions asked why I had stopped and I pointed out her sign. They did not even notice. As a “noticer” I realize I do this probably more that the average. I evaluate, quickly and without enough grace most of the time.

Continuing to ponder the significance of my practice I realized the small change I could make. Does it matter? Does my gym routine matter? Yes, I aim for health and I don’t work out to negate my bad choices. I am a professional health care provider and I practice what I prescribe. How about my time use, does it matter? While at the gym I spoke meaningfully and encouragingly to a few friends. The breakfast of my special recipe pumpkin waffles and grapes left for my three teens who stay in bed until they decide to get up, matters to me. Feeding my cat matters. Texting my husband words of thanks for working so hard for us matters. Responding to email matters (maybe not to me but to the waiting recipient). Noticing a friend in the longest line I have ever seen at Costco matters. Reading my friends essay she has written for a scholarship matters. Her life of risk that she writes about matters. My little word correction suggestions to her matter. The phone call to my visiting niece making plans to take her to the city, matters. Seeing another niece in her opening night as Carmen, matters to her. The tip we leave the waiter matters to him. Stopping at the red light matters. Yesterday matters.

Today I will go to the gym, cook for and clean up after three teens on their last day of Christmas break. I will attempt to speak words that matter. I will see the world different. I don’t have to evaluate!

The lady at the gym was doing what matters. She was out of her home. She was working forward even with speculatively less years than I.

Do these words matter? That is not for anyone to decide. They certainly aren’t any better. If these words make you think about what matters, they matter.

I want to live beyond comparison. Matter vs better.

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First

The first day of anything new involves a bit of thought, emotion and an action. Think back to firsts you recall. First day of school. What details do you remember? What the weather was like? Who you spoke to first? How it felt to find your name on a space that was yours for a time? Your first public speaking opportunity? Your first day in a new neighborhood? First day of a new job? First day with no job?

Typically a first involves expectations. Depending on what you expect or what you interpret as expected of you, your emotions will be involved. Perhaps excited, scared, nervous. How you view what is next will affect how you behave.

These are not “first words” nor new thoughts, but the attempt to write blindly is a first. In the past this venue chronicled intentions. I had plans and I was going to document the steps (literally, as I trained for a marathon). Over the non posted moments I have initiated new plans. There have been many firsts. Returning to school for a graduate degree. Each clinical experience. Challenging classes with thousand page textbooks. First exam failure. Near miraculous real outcomes. Divine appointments. Changed lives. Uncertain plans do not negate the fact that next is coming whether I know exactly what that is or not. I choose to note the firsts, instigate some intentionally, and lean into the opportunities.

A first post for a first day of a new year. Unsure of what is next. A vague plan for life, opportunities without limitations, and uncertainty about what I will do tomorrow. I do know what is now.

Firsts are not always linear, nor complete. First, implies there will be something to follow. First may be an alone accomplishment or in relationship to others. Outcomes may be gloriously favorable or disappointing.

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Ready, Set, Go

Race Day

Almost a year ago I experienced the satisfaction of a race run and so much more.Marathon finish

Yesterday my 17 year old son’s first race with me, a 5k Color Run.

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Today, spectating the last day of the Tour of California, in my hometown.

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Feet, bikes, competition, spectating. A race is so much more.

A community gathers.

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Celebrating the joy of hard work, training and completion.

Regardless of the event a race is something special.

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Ready= I prepared.

Set= I showed up.

Go= I am not staying here.

So what are you training for?

What line are you going to stand on with anticipation?

Are you going somewhere?

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A mothers CV

A Mother’s Curriculum Vitae

The word “curriculum vitae” sounds lovely, brilliant and successful. I work from home to influence the next generation to impact the world. 

Bed: Rise earlier than them.

Chair: Be quiet, alone and relish.

House: Pick up so the space of living so they can start fresh each day. Often light an aromatic candle, turn on some mood driving music (morning and evening differ).

Kitchen: Ready the food, balanced, simple or complicated always nutritious.

Bathroom: May be the only place of peace for me today. Replace TP roll. Clean hair up that only I see on floor.

Outside: Notice the birds singing, let the cat out, breath fresh air. Walk. Talk to the neighbors. Thank someone for the flowers you notice in their yard.

Car: Facilitate the coming and going of many to multiple locations for various time periods.

Everywhere: Teach as the moments arise, always prepared. Available.

References available when child becomes a parent.

Lean in

With all the recent attention of women in the work place, getting what they deserve, what they are worth. How do we value this? No one could ever elevate me, applaud me nor pay me what it is worth. I am leaning in! Don’t look for me on the morning talk show. It is not even a priority of mine to watch them. 

Back to work.

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Just now

Just now I found myself reflecting back with gratitude.   start time

Just now marathon training seems like ancient history.

Just now the finish line seems like a moment of pure glory in hours of pursuing daily life.

Just now I have purpose and intention.

Just now I know I am loved.

Just now I can cry instantaneously tears of joy and sorrow mixed.

Just now I choose to sing.

Just now is what I have.

Just now is not on this page, is not limited, is not easy.

Just now has a sense of compelling, of joy, of hope, of future!

Off or on to just now!

So what is within your just now? Closer to starting or finishing?

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How Do You Write a Book?

David, skipped out of work one day and ended up in a heap of mess.

So I have 25 days before my next semester of grad school starts.

I have heard many times, “you should write a book”.

Problem is, which book do I write?

Here are a few of my ideas:

Inspired For What (How many events, podcasts, blogs, and books do you have to read before you actually do something?)

Wild Women of the West (Why do I feel so alone as a believing woman on the west coast?)

Chosen on Purpose (Global and local reflections on adoption and foster care.)

Been There Done That (My story of how God has moved me to settle in tents.)

Eyes to See (How paying attention creates drive and vision, thanksgiving and motivation.)

This is the funny part, I am going to post this and see if anyone responds.

I will still write but just curious where my support will come from. 

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The Teeter Totter of Balance

Wow is mom upside down. Trick is to know which direction I am, when and where. #balanceinthelean #momstable #wowcanteeter

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